Stronger Than You Think

It was 2008. I was the mother of three young children, the wife of a priest, and a non-profit leader. The kids were out of control, the marriage was failing, and the non-profit was financially unstable. We had started therapy…for the marriage, for the kids, for me. Going to appointments was my full-time job.

In the midst of the mess, I met with an older woman who had been a priest’s wife for many years. As I described how my fiery little 5-year-old girl was acting out – spitting, kicking, yelling, screaming – the wise woman looked at me straight in the eyes and said, “She’s your canary in the mineshaft. Canaries sound the alarm.”

I was both puzzled and alarmed by her statement. Her words were giving me permission to admit what I had known deep down inside for years and years, “Things are not okay…our family is not okay…our marriage is not okay…I am not okay.” And, thus, began the arduous journey of the last 18-years, recognizing that one of the best gifts I can give to my children is to be my authentic self.

When I am living out who I am created to be, then I give them permission and safety to be who they are created to be. This has not been easy for me or my children. We have endured countless tears and heart-aches, but we are still here.

Now that my children are young adults sorting out the realities of the big world, I understand even more what a precious gift it is to be a refuge, a safe place, for them to share their hearts. And, at times, for me to let them know it is okay not to be okay…and that they are stronger than they think.